Happy Thanksgiving everyone! If ya wanna grab some sweet stocking stuffers (AKA my Merch) You can grab it over at www.HarveySeasalt.com - Thanks! LYRICS: TURKEY Someone tell this fat slab of crap to get to get to steppin Cuz I don’t need a weapon to quickly send him to heaven Should call up a reverend pastor or a priest, cuz battling a beast like turkey will leave you recently deceased Aww damn, I thought that I was battling a real man, But somehow ended up with this poor excuse of a meal plan, You’re the last thing the kids wanna see on the 25th They’d rather get some socks or a lump of coal as a gift I’m the main damn attraction, centerpiece of the party You’re a culinary fuck up clogging the peoples arteries Pardon me for a second I almost puked at the thought of Your slimy watery body, it’s honestly fuckin jarring god-damn Who the fuck would even wanna eat ham? I wouldn’t have a slice if they were offering me free ham I even tried to feed it to the dogs and they refused, Probably the reason why they spike the nog with so much booze Cuz there aint no way that somebody sober would ever choose To put you inside they’re mouth, unless they were tryin to lose They appetite, you’re such a nasty sight Shit santa clause’ll pass over your house if you serving up ham on Christmas night Yuck But everyone is stoked to eat some turkey, even the vegetarians eyes get a lil perky When I come out the oven all the conversation stops, When you come out the oven everybody’s stomach drops I feel sorry for the pig that they sacrificed to make you The butcher probably knew that he was Makin a mistake too If ya lookin for me on the dinner table’s where I am, But if you’re lookin for ham you should check the garbage can, goddamn HAM Look I’m boutta go fuckin Me on this furry feathery freak Was there tryptophan in that rap? cause it almost put me to sleep Yo I had a taste of your meat, My first bite, made me wanna die No wonder they smother yo ass with butter Your fuckin dry As the sand in the Sahara Or the bones inside a casket And ya taste is fuckin awful Need some cranberry to mask it Fast, this situations gettin drastic You try to battle ham then imma stuff you and laugh as you get your ass kicked (ha) Turkey, you thought that you could hurt me? You thought that ham could lose against a dirty piece of bird meat? You thought them weak ass bars were gonna burn me? I taste like happiness you taste like sipping on a Diarrhea slurpee Or takin a big ol bite of butthole jerky Your mere existence on this planet is enough to irk me The fact that you think you even compare with this Classic staple right here is enough drown you down where the water’s murky, yo check it I’m the better meal in every way no sense in reasoning I even taste good when white folks are in charge of seasoning Juicy and delectable and not to be reckoned with You aint even good enough to serve as a second dish I’m the man, it’s what I am, it’s what you isn’t You aint as good as chicken, duck, mallard, peafowl or pheasant Im gettin sick just being in your presence, And it’s a crime if people ever use your name and mine in the same sentence It’s clear to everybody that first place is where I stand Im Loved on every Christmas all across this merry land And People might get turkey in a pinch or in a jam But when they want a perfect Christmas dish no other choice but ham.