Ivory Tower
There’s an office at the end of the corridor
You all know whose it is
It’s Professor Doctor Famous you’ve been coming for
To shake his hand and smell his breath
But the professor has no time
He’s got a paper to write
And the next thing on his list
Is to prove that the universe does not exist
Chorus: We have no place for cowards
In the halls of the ivory tower
How can they fail to see
That the next big thing is me
The professor is retired but not tiring
Yesterday he discovered a new force
Soon enough they will all praise and admire him
All the way from Princeton to Oxford
He’s a genius in his mind
He always has a paper to write
And if no one understands why he’s right then
That’s okay as long as they cite him
[Repeat chorus twice]
In his office at the end of the corridor
The professor passed the final test
He completed what he had been working for
And died with his head on his desk
His colleagues on the faculty
Call it a great tragedy
Then they make more coffee
And debate who gets his office
[Repeat chorus]
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